49 Up (+1)

apted.jpg Yesterday, I went to the documentary 49 Up. Since 1964, every seven years they film the same people to see how their lives are going. It started as a political thing, to compare the lives of children from wealthy homes to children from poorer homes, but it ended up being so much more.

I went to see how other people my age are coping. At first I thought going was a mistake, because everyone in the documentary was coping better than I am, including a guy with mental health issues, who was my favorite. And, except for the guy with mental health issues, they are all MARRIED. Something I have not managed, even though I decided about ten years ago that I wanted be married. (I got married in my 20’s, but I didn’t really like being married at the time.)

What they seemed to have managed, that I haven’t, is that they have all made peace with their disappointments. Who doesn’t have disappointments?? But they’re being much more grown-up about it. Even the mental health guy seemed to have a better attitude than I have. (He was so charming and endearing. So fragile, and yet, hanging in there and doing so much better.)

I was emailing my friend Chris about this when I realized, maybe it wasn’t a mistake going. The Up kids inspired me.

It seems like every day I read something along the lines of “Family is what matters,” and people who are married live longer, and “the only thing that has any meaning in life are the people who love you,” usually spoken by people surrounded by spouses and children. And a dog. (Usually a german shepherd. Apparently the dog of choice of lovable people.) In other words, people like me: we fucked up.

Here’s how I’m going to look at it (the failure to get married, etc). Years ago someone who was giving me voice lessons played a recording of my choir singing. We sounded amazing. Far, far better than I would have imagined. I said, “They sound good.” I think I didn’t include myself because I don’t really have a great voice. It’s okay, and I sing in tune, but it’s not beautiful or anything. She said, “But you’re part of that. You’re in there. Your voice is part of that sound. You are contributing to that and it wouldn’t sound like that without you.”

That’s how I’m going to look at my life. My voice (life) is contributing something to the chorus of the world. It’s in there somewhere shaping the sound. I’m just singing a different part then most of you, apparently. Oh, and you’re all going to live longer than me which is SO not fair.

The Dog Masquerade

I went to Times Square to see the Dog Masquerade Contest. I got there a little late, so there weren’t a lot of dogs there, but the little guy in the ghost costume is the winner! Check out his sneakers. Yay, little guy! Congratulations!

And then there these three little French Bulldogs. The dog on the left is in love with me. The one in the middle is dreaming of his night on Broadway, and the one on the right wants his mommy.




Friday.jpg So far, from the batch of new shows this season, the ones I’m still watching are:

Heroes. By far my favorite.
Friday Night Lights. Have zero interest in football, really like this show. But for me the standouts are Coach Taylor and Saracen, who I just looked up. He’s the “3rd string quarterback.” (I know nothing about football.) I want a Coach Taylor bellowing at me when I’ve had a discouraging day writing. “DO YOU REALLY WANT IT?? GET IN THERE. NO HEART, NO …” whatever it was he said.
Studio 60. I’m still watching, but I’m not convinced. It’s more that I can’t give up on Sorkin after all he’s given us.
Six Degrees. I’m on the fence. The actors are so good, is the thing.

I think that might be it. I forgot the record The Nine so I’m downloading the ones I missed. Is there anything I should be watching that is not on this list?

The Roof Guys

Missing Photo! A photograph was here! Don’t know where it went!

These guys have been working on the roof across the street every day. I feel like I have an audience, and I have to make sure to dress and sit properly. The guy in the middle knows I’m taking their picture, right?

Today, I went out to the Nassau County Police Department to research cold cases on LI, and just as I walked in the squad room a call came in about the body of a young woman who had been found. The room came to life. It had a weird, 9/11-like thrill of purpose. This is what we’re here for. While I was researching a 48-year-old murder case, a new case had begun. They don’t even know who she is yet. I’m sorry unknown girl. You were gypped.

I like the commanding officer of the Homicide Squad, Dennis Farrell. It’s too bad he’s retiring tomorrow and I’ll never see him again. But they were looking at a map and I asked if they were aware of MapQuest, and he looks at me like, “Hello? Do you think we’re idiots, Miss Smartypants?” But he said, “Yeah. We know about MapQuest and Google Maps,” and explained why at that moment they were checking a map. He was funny about it. It’s nice when someone with a sense of humor is in charge.

My Heirs

Here they are, the future inheritors of my fortunes, lazing about on a rainy day. My camera was broken, and I just got it back. I was trying to be creative, but I kept messing up. I was going for a cute stretch shot, but I kept getting one thing or another wrong.