Author: Stacy Horn

The bells belonged to my mother who used them to wake me up to help her when she was dying. Apparently I can sleep through anything, including a dying mother calling for help. When she was dying of pancreatic cancer I would stay out at her house on Long Island a couple of times of week to help take care of her. We were all taking turns, but in my memory it was mostly my brother Douglas, who was the best at negotiating the healthcare system, and my sister-in-law Karen, who was the best at taking care of my mother personally. Karen just has this way of being so caring, but at the same time acting natural and not freaked out, that was so crucial and comforting to my mother those last few weeks. (Thank you, Karen. I will always be grateful.) Which is not to slight anyone else who was there, and everyone was there more than me, it’s just that we all have different skillsets and I noticed Doug and Karen’s in this situation. But given that I was not there as much as everyone else I probably missed a lot.

Anyway, I was out there one night and my mother had to call and call and call before I finally woke up. It was awful. She was so weak and helpless. She pulled out those Christmas bells and used them to wake me up after that. Ugh.

To the right of those bells is a cross made from the metal of the World Trade Center, and to the right of that is a piece of World Trade Center glass. Oh and that madonna and child triptych is from my dead Grandmother’s house. (That’s not actually a triptych, is it?)

Oh good lord, I am morbid. But I couldn’t help noticing! I swear I’m actually mostly a happy, upbeat person! I see myself that way anyway. I’ve been singing that Snoopy and the Red Baron Christmas song and everything. Ho ho ho! Deck the halls! I’d have a tree if the cats weren’t so bent on its destruction. I’m afraid they’ll hurt themselves with it somehow when I’m not here.

I didn’t get any great pictures at the Echo holiday party last night, but this is Brett and Erin who just got married the day before!! Congratulations Brett and Erin!! That is not their child, by the way. I don’t know where they got her, maybe out front? (That’s Ivy, daughter of the fabulous Ava and Grave.)

And now, because my people shots sucked so bad, I give you FOOD. Ava brought these kosher fruit-flavored tootsie-roll-like candies that were absolutely delicious. I googled them last night so I get more, and couldn’t find them. Turns out they give them away at B&H Camera. I guess I have to go there and look like I might buy something.

As you can see from the photo, we like to eat crappy food, mostly, although someone brought hummus, which is very good for you. I brought sugar cookies, those Christmas colored sprinkles covered sugar cookies. Because they are pretty. I like that pack of matches that says, “OK.” They make the shot.

Or I used to anyway. So many things made me happy I used to make lists. This is a picture of something that hangs in my bathroom. Scotty, a former boyfriend of mine, found this type-drawer and painted it for me and gave it to me as a place to store toys.

These days, if I want to do something nice for Finney I pick him up so he can bat one of the toys out of its slot. It’s part of a ritual of ours. I’ll pick him up and we’ll take a tour of the house, where he will alternately sniff and mush his head against things normally out of his reach, or knock them over, his absolute favorite thing. He loves this ritual. He purrs the minute I pick him up and cranes his neck out immediately to start sniffing and knocking things over. He just can’t wait. If I miss something he wants to knock over he will squirm and reach for it. “No, no. You missed something!” And we go back.

Anyway, it used to be that the number of things that made me happy far outnumbered the things that didn’t. For a while it’s been neck and neck, with the sad outnumbering the happy from time to time, I have to admit. I’m not complaining, life isn’t always great, what are you going to do? But for the past couple of days I’ve been feeling a little bit how I used to feel, and the only way to describe it is, “I take pleasure in a great many things.”

I just want to remind people if you find you can’t make a comment in one of my posts it’s because someone spammed the comment section and I had to turn the comments off for that post. Once one spam appears, soon a ton follow, so I delete the spam and turn comments off.

If I had newer software there would be other ways to deal with it, but I have yet to upgrade. Sorry. I have this fear that I will lose all my history if I upgrade. Must get past that. And I will, after the holidays and after I hand in this book, and finish the NPR piece.

Meanwhile, I hope you enjoy this holiday Charles Addams cartoon. And please, do not try this at home. Or Brooklyn, where I will be caroling in a week or so for a good cause with friends.

Okay, must get back to work. And TV. What’s on TV tonight? Anything? Oh, there’s a new Hallmark TV movie on tonight. Yes, I am a sucker for those Hallmark movies. I cry every year at the Hallmark card commercials, especially the retiring teacher one. And the one with the guy in the nursing home.

I didn’t get out to photograph decorations today. I meant to take a picture of a dress that I long for that’s hanging in a window nearby, taunting me. Man oh man do I want that dress, even though I have no place to wear it.

You cannot destroy what you cannot reach! I don’t think I’m going to be able to get to it today, but I’m going to walk uptown and take pictures of the Christmas decorations. I just love what they’re doing up there, particularly the decorations at Harry Winston’s. Maybe I’ll just walk all around the city taking pictures of the decorations? We can compare how different parts of town do it.