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I was looking for an old photograph, and after glancing through decades of photographs of me and my friends I am now completely in the thick of that bittersweet, road not taken, look at how much time has passed, nostalgia-immersed mood.

The nice part is many of my favorites friends are still around and still my friends. I found a photograph of my friend Aly who had a band called The Leisure Units. I took it at either CBGB’s or some other club. Minutes later, Aly emailed me and my ex-husband (we’re still friends) about lunch on Wednesday.

This is my friend Chris, me and my friend Adrienne (and our dates) on my 16th birthday. I’m going to her graduation ceremony on June 2nd if she has decided on going. She was still iffy about it the last time we talked. She’s getting her Masters.

This is Peter. I adored him. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but then I saw that there was little chance for happiness for us, too many problems I didn’t know how to solve, so I took it back. But I still loved him. It makes me sad to look at this picture. I wish I was smarter, or the two of us a little less fucked up. (I was going to post pictures of other guys I didn’t marry, but ran out of scanning steam.)

And this is my ex-husband Jeff, looking very tough.

All of this was prompted by my VERY BIG birthday coming up. I hope I am able to make peace with it.

And I’m concentrating on the important things: my outfit. I have a hard time holding the camera steady. But I like the Stacy-ghost version:

But here’s a sharper shot. I was going to flaunt tradition and wear a sleeveless top, because it got warm and the top is cute, but I chickened out. We’re supposed to wear our least slut-like outfits, and apparently no sleeves = loose woman. Note the totally unsexy comfy shoes.

Wish me luck on the high notes!

Yesterday was traumatic. Both the cats were getting dental work and I couldn’t feed after midnight the night before because they were getting anesthesia. Not being able to feed your cats in the morning is horrible. It’s their greatest joy and you have to withold it from them. It’s just awful. They cry cry cry, and you can’t explain it to them.

And then picking them up from the vets! Both cats were shaking in their nooks. Poor little things. And you can’t tell them the point of it all, and that they’re going home and eating is going to be an even greater pleasure now, with all cleaned up teeth!

We’re all okay now. Finney has two cavities and has to get medicine though.

Tonight, my choir rehearses with the orchestra, this is the best. It’s like a performance but relaxed. And tomorrow is the performance! I’m in the front row this time. You can’t fidget if you’re in the front row, but it’s very exciting. Here are some of my choir friends, that’s Miriam, Barbara and Dimitra:

Had a great time out in Greenport with Lisette Coly (granddaughter of Eileen Garrett, the medium I will be writing about) and with Nancy Zingone and Carlos Alvarado. They pointed me to some pictures of Eileen Garrett online. Here’s one of her in a trance:

After posting that one I feel like I must post a pretty one of her, too:

Pretty! Thank you, Chris.

I’m going out to the end of the island today to interview people for the Duke Parapsychology Lab book. I can’t believe no one has written this book and I get to do it. There is such a treasure trove of stories. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been going through all the boxes of materials I brought back from Duke, listing the stories, and picking the best. The best = tells the story of what went on inside that lab, and is interesting or weird or sad.

At the same time I’m looking for films and tapes and people who knew the people I’m writing about it, so I can describe them accurately.

I’m bringing a camera and a scanner, and hopefully will have good pictures to post when I get back.