Stacy Horn

When I wake up the first thing I do is quick check the news to make sure nothing horrible happened while I slept. This morning, as usual, it’s all about the debt ceiling (snore, snore, snore).

So I feed the cats, change their litter, make my coffee, and then I sit down to my computer. I open the Times website and read the headline, “91 Dead in Norway, Most at Youth Camp.” Jesus fucking christ. The tv news doesn’t even mention this?? When I went to bed I think the total dead was up to two.

Seriously, news people (who are not the New York Times)? What’s happening with our ridiculous, dysfunctional politicians is not the most important thing in the world.

These are pictures of the General Theological Seminary in Chelsea. It’s so green it’s bursting out over the seminary walls. What’s inside I wonder …

Nice. Lucky bastards. It pays to be a seminary student in NYC.

I’m feeding a friend’s cats and watering their plants for the next few days while they’re away. Here is my puzzle – they live all the way east, I live all the way west, and it’s about a 40 minute walk. I should do it this morning, before it reaches a billion degrees, but I also want to go swimming. (My swimming window is 10 – 10:45am, after that it’s kids doing cannonballs.)

If I wait and walk over after swimming I might melt on the way over. I had a nightmare about dying by melting as a child. Seriously, I did. I think it was a result of a science fiction movie I saw. The point is I’ve never recovered.

So my choices are swim and melt, or walk and miss my swimming window.

UPDATE: I just realized they left this morning so it doesn’t make sense to go now, I should wait until the end of the day, in the high heat, when I will SURELY MELT.

Nuns walking in the heat yesterday.

I heard the “real feel” was going to go up to 109! God help us.

Here are some pictures from my recent trip down the mighty Nissequogue River, taken with a cheap, disposable underwater camera. I mostly tried to take pictures of birds, but this is my friend Kevin, who is human.

A bird.

Bird houses.

And me! I really love kayaking, I have to say. I’m ready to try more rivers. But I am slow slow slow. I entered a kayak race on the Hudson River shortly after I learned, and I not only came in dead last, I was something like ten minutes behind the person who came in second to last.

Come up With a Reason Why Should They Help You

Most of my tips are geared towards asking someone for something. But Tip 1 has good general advice, and the next one, the last one, will too. Back to the tip …

Come up with a reason why the person should do whatever it is you’re asking of them. This tip is tricky for two reasons. One, it isn’t always necessary. You don’t need to give a friend a reason to help you. People who are asking me for help with friends or relatives who were murdered don’t need to give me a reason (but they would do well to follow the other tips). You’ll have to decide. I sometimes do this if I’m emailing someone who is a total stranger and if I think they won’t be inclined to help me.

Two, if you do it in a clumsy or ham-fisted way it will backfire. Don’t overstate it. Don’t say anything like “You’ll get rich!” or anything else you can’t convincingly prove. Don’t be pompous, like, “you’ll be making the world a better place.” Saying something really, genuinely honest is usually the way I go. If it sounds self-serving that’s not good, but it’s almost unavoidable sometimes, so if I’m being self-serving I acknowledge that in some way.

But if you can’t come up with a reason why they should help you, imagine what they’re thinking.

Tip 1a. Get to the point.
Tip 1b. Be Honest About What You Want
Tip 2. Give them What They Need to Give You What You Need
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Finney checking out Buddy eating and wondering “what does he have?” Buddy invariably has something better because I’m trying to fatten him up, and Finney, unfortunately needs to lose weight.

Some of you may remember my posting about dancing with Where the Hell is Matt. This is me and Matt dancing for a few seconds after they recorded him dancing with everyone. The final video with all countries is here. It’s worth watching, it’s very moving. I still tear up.

New Yorkers will have another opportunity to dance with Matt THIS SATURDAY, July 23rd, at 4pm, the full details are here. They’re asking people to RSVP so they know how many to expect.

It’s a lot of fun, I highly recommend going. It doesn’t matter if you can dance or not, I can’t dance as you can see. They’re going to be teaching us a dance this time, and if I make the final cut you will see me struggling and failing to learn whatever they’re trying to teach us.