Bird Feeder Advice

First, a picture of my customers.  “Hello birds.  I’m Stacy.  I’ll be your feeder today.”


Here’s my issue. As you can see below, right now the birdfeeder hangs over the fire escape stairs. I’d like it to hang over the platform part to the left, where I was able to put the shower curtain down to catch seeds shells, and whatever mess they make. I need something that I can clamp on either of the two places indicated by arrows, so the feeder can hang over the platform. The picture that follows is something I’ve found, and I will discuss the problems with it below.


Here is the hook/arm thing.

I’ve found others, but like this one, they will all raise the bird feeder beyond my reach. I need an arm that extends straight out, and only a few inches. I couldn’t find anything like that and I’m guessing nothing like that is made and I will have to jury rig something myself, which I’m happy to do but I am not handy. Maybe there’s some sort of shower device clamp thingamagjig.

Oh birds of NYC. Do you see all that I do for you? With all these nice people’s help??

Does anyone have any suggestions?

In other good news, I had my last doctor’s appointment and I absolutely positively do not have breast cancer, so YAY! I will live to feed birds another day. Which reminds me, where are the starlings? I love starlings. Although this might be a careful what you wish for thing. I love all the noise they make, but if as many starlings showed up as doves, I’m guessing the racket might drive me insane.

Speaking of which, I was freaking out in the doctor’s office reading Musicophilia and about all the different kinds of audio hallucinations some people are afflicted with. The story of what happened to Schumann destroyed me. Schumann heard music that wasn’t there and at first the music was pleasant, then it became demonic, and then finally at the end of his life it had devolved to “a single, ‘terrible’ note, an A, which played ceaselessly day and night with unbearable intensity.” Can you imagine? Please god don’t let this happen to me. It’s so unfair that it would happen to a composer who gave us such beautiful music. Proof that the universe is completely indifferent to our suffering.

I get the thing where music I practice intensely gets fixed in my mind and then plays over and over, lasting days, but it always stops eventually. If it didn’t I would go mad. When I was younger, ambient sound like air conditioners would sometimes resolve into brass bands or distant choirs.

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

5 thoughts on “Bird Feeder Advice

  1. The bar from which the feeder hangs (right side) is round-yes ? Too hard to clamp anything to a round x-section. Is the piece that the left arrow points to a solid rectangle or a channel placed upside down ?
    That would be easier to clamp to.

    Would a straight piece about 6-8″ long hung off the left do the trick ? With a hole at the end to support the feeder ?


  2. No advice on jury-rigging a solution, other than seconding what David said about the flat part on the left being hecka easier to clamp to than the round part on the right.

    Well, one thought: the pictured hanger looks kind of like it might be able to swing. Something to consider would be something that can swing out into the proper position, but swing back for refilling the feeder.

    And a big YES! on the medical news!

  3. Here’s a cheap suggestion on the bird feeder hanger from BestNest:

    Take a look around their website; they’ve got all sorts of wonderful feeders and accessories. They are a good resource to use since some of their stuff is quite expensive, but you can look for the same thing on eBay. BestNest sells their overstocks and returns there. I bought a beautiful birdbath from them for half-price even with shipping.

    Hmmm, sounds like you have Ohrwurm (earworms). . . Too bad you can’t feed those to the birds.

    If I think of anything else on the feeder problem, I’ll post again.

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