Long Dark Morning of the Soul

I woke up a few hours before dawn and my mind was a roulette wheel of worry, mostly about all this dental work. This whole process has been drawn out for a year already, and I haven’t even begun. I can’t get the answers I need. Also on the Roulette Wheel of Angst: money, (lack of) jobs, (lack of) cats (sickness of), dating, (the horrible process of) my bank, (dishonesty of). But then a sentence I really need for my book popped into my head, and for once I had a pen and a piece of paper right there, so I could quick write it down before it disappeared. So, there’s that.

And a Loser’s Lounge tonight!

“Why does everything have to be so hard?” – Tony Soprano. I know I’ve been quoting this and re-quoting for years, but the minute he said it I was struck by the perfection of this question, and it still resonates for me. These are workers on 7th Avenue.

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

3 thoughts on “Long Dark Morning of the Soul

  1. I LOVE the picture, that’s the first thing I have to say. Work may be a pain in the ass but it is often so beautiful.
    Good luck on the Wheel of Angst. I’m sorry about your dental work worry (and even more sorry you can’t find any answers–have you tried the public library or any academic health libraries that may be around you? In health libraries in particular they may be privy to studies or information it would be hard for you to find).
    I love the quote. It’s so true. I even have a really good and lucky life and yet it seems there’s so much to worry about, like just making enough money to get by (which seems to be getting harder and harder).
    But I’m so glad you came up with the perfect sentence. Thank you for keeping at it–I can’t wait to read your new book. I think of your books like little jewels that make the rest of life’s nitpicky problems a little easier to ignore sometimes.

  2. I’m the worlds’s worst worry-wart! Even when my life is going well, if I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I can instantly start the litany of worries (real or unreal). And that is why I have anxiety too. I’ve always lived by this quote: “Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.” Unfortunately, I seem to dwell on the negative “what-ifs.” Sigh.

    Sorry about the dental issues, I know it’s frustrating. Good luck with that.

    Your new book is going to be great — and provides you with something to focus on and be positive about. Hope the kitties get better.I’d say try not to worry, but then, I can’t even take that advice myself, ha!

  3. WOW, CR. That comment about my books. WOW. I’ll be very curious to hear what you make of this new one. It’s like a combination Waiting For My Cats to Die/and my non-fiction books.

    Cara, thank you. I’m feeling better after reading the article in the Times about the current average New York apartment rent. I live in a rent stabilized apartment and it pretty much makes up for a lot of not so great stuff in my life and the world (for me).

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