Tomorrow is a Month

A month since Buddy died. I’ve got two more months of mourning before I’m officially a crazy person, according to the pet bereavement counselor. Thanks to Bleeck though, I’m officially out of the woods. That makes me feel bad. Like, I took a drug instead of giving Buddy his full-mourning-due. He earned it.

Every day though, I cry about something Buddy related. Yesterday it was about magazines. I always had to put my magazines out of Buddy-reach because one of his ways of getting me up quicker in the mornings was to shred my magazines. At night I had to remember to put them on a shelf or in the morning I’d hear rip-tear-rip, a never-fail method of getting me to jump up on command/shred. Buddy was so smart. I had to child-proof the refrigerator and the cabinets because he could open them all.

Isn’t it funny how these really annoying things become the most tender memories? I don’t have to put magazines out of reach anymore. I don’t have to lock up the refrigerator. I’m crying again just typing about it.

A poet in Union Square. Note the typewriter.

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

6 thoughts on “Tomorrow is a Month

  1. I think you’ll find you’ll mourn for much longer than two months, although it becomes less constant. And there’s nothing crazy or bad about it. What I think is slightly crazy is trying to put that sort of thing on a timetable.

    So glad Bleeck is in your life. And I’m sure Buddy is too, I maintain he’s probably really happy another cat is going to benefit from your TLC.

  2. A month! Yes, that’ s hardly any time at all. but especially at this time of year you need a little extra light and Bleek is there for that. Finney is there to add heat.

    It’s always the little things that drive you crazy, and the little things you miss like crazy. I always tell my husband, when he tells me that I’m humming AGAIN, that when I’m gone he’ll miss my humming like crazy.

    Everything I write on an iPad makes me sound stupid.

  3. Not to worry too much Stacy. My hunch is that Bleeck’s going to find some really annoying habits for future endearment. He’s still trying to figure things out, but he looks up to the task.

  4. 17 years since our family cat Leon died… still tear up when I think of him and his very very siamese-y meow… he was so beautiful and aloofish… 11 years since our other family cat Spice died… BEST. CAT. EVER… loved everyone and everything.. wasn’t scared of anything — dogs, racoons, riding on/in cars etc.. — “ YOU doin…” It’s not even remotely a bad thing to miss a loved one, everyone is individual and to lump them all together is so very very clinical… Hugs to you and it gets better!

  5. Thank you. I’ve got Finney on my lap right now and it’s making me feel better. I thought he was hating me for bringing the kitten into the house. Which he probably is, but at least not every minute.

  6. A couple of months for a constant companion of years??? Sorry, but F**K bereavement counselors! You take as long as you need. And you aren’t crazy. Or, I’d rather be crazy than heartless … hugs to you as you work your way through this. It’s been a year for me and I still feel like I get gut-punched by the loss on a fairly regular basis. If that makes me crazy, so be it. 😉

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