by Every once in a while I have this conversation in my head:
Me: Everything’s going to be okay.
Me: Well, probably. It usually is, but …
Me: Yeah, there is most definitely going come a day when it won’t be okay.
Me: Forever.
Me: Jesus. And there’s just no fucking way around it.
Me: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Me: Maybe the people who believe in ghosts are right.
Me:
Me: Yeah.
Me: Don’t think about it.
Me: It’s all we have.
A storm was brewing while I ran my errands this morning.
I have conversations like that except completely different.
Me: I’m so sick of bodies and trying to maintain bodies.
Me: I have no idea what they’re doing.
Me: I hate talking to doctors.
Me: What if I need another surgery?
Me: What if something happens to my kids?
Me: Why is macular degeneration so mean?
Me: Why is perimenopause so mean?
Me: Oh wait, all these problems have an expiration date, and it’s called sweet death.
Me: Oh yeah right, awesome.
Me: I mean, maybe not just yet, I would miss some people, but still. Awesome.
I don’t even need an afterlife at this point. I just need a sweet void where I never hear words like “prior authorization by insurance” ever again. Or “Due to covid-19 we are experiencing heavier call loads than usual. Thank you for your patience.” Or “Elon Musk is a genius.”
Wonder what other people’s inner monologues are all day long.
Too much thinking is not good. My conversation is corny.
Me: Radical trust is the only choice in my life, I think, maybe
Me: Its so hard though
Me: ****
Me: Yep, it is hard
Me: Carry on
Me: Work, work, work
Me: Love more and more and more
Me Yeah its what the “world needs now”…
Me: “Its the only thing that there’s just to little of”
Me: 🙂
CR: Cracked me up.
Rebecca: Aww. Very sweet.