Welcome to the World Inside My Head

Every once in a while I have this conversation in my head:

Me: Everything’s going to be okay.
Me: Well, probably. It usually is, but …
Me: Yeah, there is most definitely going come a day when it won’t be okay.
Me: Forever.
Me: Jesus. And there’s just no fucking way around it.
Me: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Me: Maybe the people who believe in ghosts are right.
Me: Yeah.
Me: Don’t think about it.
Me: It’s all we have.

A storm was brewing while I ran my errands this morning.

Storm Ahead 6th Avenue, New York City

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

3 thoughts on “Welcome to the World Inside My Head

  1. I have conversations like that except completely different.
    Me: I’m so sick of bodies and trying to maintain bodies.
    Me: I have no idea what they’re doing.
    Me: I hate talking to doctors.
    Me: What if I need another surgery?
    Me: What if something happens to my kids?
    Me: Why is macular degeneration so mean?
    Me: Why is perimenopause so mean?
    Me: Oh wait, all these problems have an expiration date, and it’s called sweet death.
    Me: Oh yeah right, awesome.
    Me: I mean, maybe not just yet, I would miss some people, but still. Awesome.

    I don’t even need an afterlife at this point. I just need a sweet void where I never hear words like “prior authorization by insurance” ever again. Or “Due to covid-19 we are experiencing heavier call loads than usual. Thank you for your patience.” Or “Elon Musk is a genius.”

    Wonder what other people’s inner monologues are all day long.

  2. Too much thinking is not good. My conversation is corny.

    Me: Radical trust is the only choice in my life, I think, maybe
    Me: Its so hard though
    Me: ****
    Me: Yep, it is hard
    Me: Carry on
    Me: Work, work, work
    Me: Love more and more and more
    Me Yeah its what the “world needs now”…
    Me: “Its the only thing that there’s just to little of”
    Me: 🙂

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