Still Eating

Jackie, me and Brett. Chris says I should name the restaurants and what I had. I no longer remember the name of where we ate yesterday. It’s a Japanese restaurant in the Hotel Gansevoort. They didn’t have a vegetarian entree so I had miso soup, and … the Japanese equivalent of shish kabob with vegetables instead of meat. If it wasn’t for dessert I would have cried, but dessert and the company made up for the lack of food choices.

Lunch2.jpg

We were talking on Echo about the fact that when you’re single it doesn’t really pay to cook. It ends up being as expensive and sometimes more than doing take out. Which kinda sucks, but I also feel like it takes me off the hook for cooking. And there are so many great take-out choices here.

I’m happy because the M. Night Shyamalan movie opened, and I do love his movies. Have I mentioned that everytime Signs is on I have to watch it? I’ve seen that movie 16 thousand kabillion times. I don’t even believe in the message of the film — in fact I get furious during one scene. IN FACT, I would like to get this off my chest.

Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix (who I love) are sitting on the couch. They play brothers. Aliens have landed, and it could be bad, they don’t know yet how it’s going to turn out, but Joaquin is scared and he’s looking for comfort from his brother, who used to be a priest.

Mel says there are two types of people in the world–always a bad sign, when someone can’t see the grey areas–those who believe everything happens for a reason, could be good, could be bad, but they will be taken care of no matter what, because there are greater forces in the universe (like God). Then there are those that think everything is an accident, could be good, could be bad, but in the end they are all alone and that fills them with terror.

I fit into neither category. I don’t believe in God, but I think things happen usually because of a reason, it’s just that the reason has nothing to do with God. It has to do with us. Things unfold because of our actions. Could be good, could be bad, who knows, we’re not that smart or organized. I hope for the best. (I also believe there are accidents, things that happen that have nothing to do with us, but effect us. Like if a meteor hits us, or hurricanes, unless it’s a result of something we did to screw up the climate). BUT in any case the idea that we are alone and God isn’t directing everything doesn’t fill with terror. Instead, it fills my life with meaning. Because it means that the world is what we make it, not what God makes it, and everything I do is important. It’s up to us. We’re all we’ve got.

Like the character Angel says, “the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.” (And the smallest evil is the worst.)

Though, I will admit the “death is the end” thing which I believe, kinda sucks. So, I hope that ends up not being true.

I think I figured out why I find Signs enormously comforting. Everything works out well in the end. People who believe in God think it’s because God set it up that way and that fills them with comfort.

I think it’s because in spite of the fact that we’re idiots and frequently fuck up, things can still work out okay, and that fills me with comfort, too.

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

2 thoughts on “Still Eating

  1. “I think I figured out why I find Signs enormously comforting. Everything works out well in the end. People who believe in God think it’s because God set it up that way and that fills them with comfort.”

    That’s a pretty Calvinist approach.

    I thought you were an RC. How did you become a Calvinist?

  2. But that approach doesn’t describe me! The next few lines I posted describe me: “I think it’s because in spite of the fact that we’re idiots and frequently fuck up, things can still work out okay, and that fills me with comfort, too.”

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