Stacy Horn

In response to the very anti-American travel ban, MOMA is featuring artists from the banned countries. My favorite was a piece from Marcos Grigorian. But the crowds were biggest for, as always, Starry Night (see below). I love this painting too though, I’m not judging.

I wonder if I’ve ever posted about my Van Gogh revelation. Have you ever experienced an anxiety attack? When I was in my twenties I went through a period of having them. If you’ve never experienced them, let me tell you they are very seriously un-fun. I was in a doctor’s office, waiting to see him about getting a prescription for anxiety, when I looked up and saw a print of one of Van Gogh’s sunflower paintings on the wall. ‘THAT’S IT!’ I screamed (internally, of course). That is exactly what the world looks when you’re in the midst of an anxiety attack. Van Gogh’s brush stroke exactly captures the wavering, pulsating appearance of the world in those high-stress minutes. It had an immediate calming effect on me. To see my experience depicted right there, on the wall, and also transformed into a thing of beauty. I no longer felt so scared and alone. It was a kind of validation. Me and Van Gogh.

To this day I am positive that in addition to whatever he was suffering from, Van Gogh also endured anxiety attacks.

A few doors down from MOMA. What was it all for, I wonder? Not because of the banned countries artists, I hope.

I saw this guy struggling with this cart holding the biggest mountain of cans I’ve ever seen. Why is there not a job out there for someone willing to work so hard and so diligently?

Someone came to take a look and see if they could find the source of the bad smell in my apartment. He was a very nice young man, but they hadn’t really explained the problem to him so he didn’t have the equipment he needed. Maybe someone will be back tomorrow.

I took down some shelves so the workmen would have room to work at the source of the odor. I guess I’ll leave everything down until tomorrow. I’ve been thinking the problem might be a broken pipe, or blocked vent stack. The young man checked the roof, and he wondered about some work he saw, but he thought the stacks looked okay. Except …

One of them was filled with lots of things, including what looks like pieces of concrete!

I had my first meeting with my editor after handing in my book. The big fear is that I’m going to hear, “I’m sorry, but we’ve decided to cancel the book.” After two years of doing what I thought was my best work, I don’t think I would have survived that! But she didn’t say anything like that. She wants tinkering and changes, of course, but that’s okay! All the changes she asked for with my last book made it a lot better, so I’m excited to dive back in rather than discouraged. (Plus she said things like it was fascinating and extremely well written, so that didn’t hurt!!)

My mouse problem is not going as well. But I did hear from the exterminator, who said he’d stop by on Wednesday to drop off something called an “earth bag,” which would absorb the odor. He didn’t think the mouse should still be smelling up my apartment though. That scares me a little. Maybe something else, something more dangerous, is causing the smell.

I went up to the roof. I’m on the top floor and I thought I might see something that could explain the smell. I don’t know what, but I looked around and nothing stood out for me. This is the section of the roof over where the odor is strongest. There are old chimneys in this spot, but they are all blocked off.

My greatest fear has happened: a mouse has died somewhere and is starting to smell up the
apartment. I’ve got a call into the landlord, but I’m probably on my own.

It smells the most in the cabinets underneath on the right. It really seems like the mouse must be inside the cabinet. If I smell underneath the cabinets there, or behind them, I barely smell it. The odor is concentrated inside, but I can’t find anything in there. I’m going to look again. Then I guess I’m going to have to pull this section of cabinet away from the wall and see what I see.