Stacy Horn

My fire escape was not full of birds waiting to be fed this morning, and when I went to the new bird feeder location there they all were! The food wasn’t almost gone, so they’re going through it a little more slowly, but that won’t last I’m sure.

Now I don’t know what to do. It made me happy to see them all there. They flew off the second they saw me of course, but I did like seeing them all again. Plus there were a ton more of them. I guess I’ll take it one day at a time and see how I feel.

Meanwhile, I saw these guys playing stickball in the street on Sunday. I don’t think I’ve seen a stickball game in, like, 40 years.

I’m not as nice as Weston’s friend’s mother. Because I don’t see myself keeping up feeding the birds now that I won’t get to enjoy them. The expense and cleaning up was bothering me, but it was worth it to have them around. But cleaning up and paying for seed without the joy of having them around? I can see myself getting resentful real fast. Ugh. I hate myself.

Before I left the apartment this morning I put a bunch of seed where I know they sit and then made a line of seed toward the new location of the feeder, but I was thinking I shouldn’t train them to find the new feeder if I’m not going to keep this up.

Maybe I should dump out all the seed I have left—20 pounds—in a spot where I know they’ll find it and leave it at that?

The cats lazing about now that the window-tv is gone. (I suck.)

They are sitting there, watching me, waiting for me to feed them. Based on my experience with them it’s going to take two months for them to find the new location of the feeder.

I am so upset. I literally had to sit down on a stoop and cry, but apparently there have been complaints about the mess and my super made me take my bird feeder down. I thought the shower curtain was working, and what it didn’t catch I was cleaning up myself every couple of days. But this wasn’t enough for some people.

I moved it to a secret location, but I will no longer have the joy of watching them. I’m also upset because the birds are going to show up in the morning and I can’t explain to them why I’m not putting food out OR tell them where the feeder is now.

People. Part of me realizes that their complaints have at least some merit, but at the same time I can’t help feeling like I’m living amongst of a bunch of mean-spirited Elvira Gulches. Just think about the nice people, just think about the nice people … (I’m chanting to myself). Oh! Like my neighbor underneath me who doesn’t complain about my cats who sometimes jump off the amoire onto the floor and must sound like bowling balls hitting the ceiling to her.

Pictures from the book party for The Restless Sleep. More here. I forgot about that necklace. I must bring it out of retirement.