Vanity Shrinks Your Life

October 22nd, 2012 Posted in Uncategorized

I need to get out of the house, regardless of how scary I look. Maybe I’ll just go to a movie, where I’ll spend most of the time in the dark. Being cooped up, unable to swim or do anything is making me depressed. The medication may be contributing.

The question is: will I make it to choir practice tomorrow? Physically, I feel up to it. I can’t sing very well, the skin inside my mouth is tight from the surgery and I seem to have acquired a lisp, but going to rehearsal will be helpful regardless, I’ll still learn. Except I continue to look like something out of a horror movie, like that thing in the basement that makes everyone scream, “don’t go down there!” I honestly don’t think I can bear people seeing me like this. What’s worse, I’m sure no one cares. If anything they’ll think, “poor you!”

Is this who I am? Will I miss something I love to do, something that will make me feel a lot better, at a time when I really need to feel better, because I don’t want anyone to see me when I look this bad? I never would have thought so, but I’m definitely on the fence about going.

Before I forget, WIRED has begun a series that looks amazing: The Decades That Invented the Future. It’s on my to-read list.

And speaking of depressed, I should probably not watch the debate tonight. I don’t think I’m emotionally strong enough.

The curl-up below lasted about two seconds. Then Finney woke up. The problem is, the kitten spends all day attacking Finney, so by the time he is ready to cuddle up and rest Finney is all, “Die, kitten, die.” I was so hoping to see them curl up together like this it almost made me cry. Unfortunately, this scene hasn’t been repeated since.

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  1. 7 Responses to “Vanity Shrinks Your Life”

  2. By Citizen Reader on Oct 22, 2012

    Stacy,
    I find what’s best is to make a decision either way and then just not to antagonize over it. It’s fine if you want to take a miss, really, it doesn’t mean you’re a vain person. Likewise, it’s fine to go, I’m sure people will be sympathetic more than anything (almost all adults, after all, know what it feels like to look like they’d rather not go out in public). But mostly just try to put it out of your mind. Or maybe plan an outing that might be lower on people contact? Reading a book in a park or something, where you can be out and see and hear people, but they won’t necessarily be looking right at you, if that bothers you?

    Good luck in your continued recovery, and with your kitty boys.

  3. By Nora on Oct 22, 2012

    Is your apartment cold in the winter? Maybe Finney will sleep like this willingly if it means keeping warm?
    I don’t know much about Romney but I’m thinking that he doesn’t have much in the way of international experience. I’m expecting some major gaffes on his part.

  4. By Stacy Horn on Oct 22, 2012

    The swelling has gone down a lot today, so I may go tomorrow. I still can’t talk or sing very well though.

    But yeah, I shouldn’t beat myself up over every little thing.

    Nora, my apartment is usually so over-heated I have to keep the windows open all winter! I don’t know about Romney making gaffes. I hope Obama has thought of issues to raise that Romney may not have thought of and has pre-prepared answers for.

  5. By Vivian Swift on Oct 22, 2012

    I can’t watch the debate either. I hate Romney so much I want to spit at the TV, and I am so annoyed with Obama’s professorial manner (does he not want the job??) that I could spit at the TV.

    I said in 2008 that the Democrats should just sit back and let the Republicans try to clean up the mess they made — I was sure it would lead to failure on their part and 50 years of a solid Democratic majority for us. But nooooo, the democrats had to save the U.S. from a depression and get no thanks for it.

    I’ve been on crutches for the past six weeks and I am AMAZED how nice people are to me when I go out in public. So, although your teefers hurt right now, get crutches and you’ll be given all the leeway you need.

    And that picture: awwwwwww. It’s the thin edge of the wedge — just tell Finney that when it comes to Bleeker, resistance is futile.

  6. By Vivian Swift on Oct 23, 2012

    I had to come back this morning to look at that picture again. Sweet little Bleek…he is what he is.

  7. By Stacy Horn on Oct 28, 2012

    Awww thanks. He’s very cute, my little Bleeck.

  8. By Stacy Horn on Oct 28, 2012

    OHMYGOD, I’m reading all the posts backwards. Why are you on crutches?? What happened??

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