Once Again, Why I Can’t Have Nice Things

Because cats. Readers of my blog may remember how the cats broke the glass lampshade on my floor lamp, which I only recently replaced. It took me over a year to decide I could even afford to replace it. Then, I wasn’t sure about the proportions of the shade. It is too big? But I decided it was perfect and came to love it. To prevent the cats from knocking the lamp over again I barricaded it with an end table. All was well. The end.

Well, the happy ending lasted, what? Just a little bit over a month. A couple of nights ago the cats came at the lamp again, and instead of knocking it over they jumped at it and slammed it into the wall. It didn’t completely shatter, but the pieces that broke off did. Mostly. So except for a few pieces that survived, I couldn’t glue it back together.

I looked at replacement shades, but then I thought, what’s the point? They’ll just break whatever I buy. What else can I do? The jagged, broken parts were all along the top rim. I thought, maybe I could find something to wrap around the rim to cover them. A pretty ribbon perhaps. Maybe some tulle? I headed off to Mood.

Here is the lampshade before …

And here it is after. The bad bits are in the back, covered by the bow that I tied with the ends of the material. The bow part looks a little cheesy, that’s why it’s in the back. But I love the sparkly material I found. It’s an $8 fix! Once again, all is well, and my cats still suck. Because you know they are not done with this lampshade.

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

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