Stacy Horn

I don’t want to say where, because I don’t want to embarrass anyone, but the other day I needed to pay for 29 things that cost 25 cents each. The person who was there to take my money didn’t have a calculator and she didn’t know how to multiply those numbers manually. I did it for her.

I was thinking about how terrible I am at math (except for the simplest calculations, like the one above). I wasn’t always, but at a certain point in my mathematical education my mind shut down and it’s not even a matter of making mistakes, my brain won’t even try. It’s hard to describe, but if I attempt to concentrate my brain starts acting like a little kid holding its breath until it turns blue. It will not make any effort. It’s got to be psychological. My best guess was I had a math teach one year who loved to humiliate me. Mr. McGrath. He was a jackass. He’s probably dead now. Serves him right. Except I’ll be dead one of these days too. So.

I love the cacophony of these signs. Usually I think I like a more ordered look, but when I see it in practice, like the town of Sag Harbor on Long Island, where every storefront is absolutely coordinated, I find it appalling. Bring on the chaos. Like my mind in rebellion against numbers. (Except I really wish my mind wouldn’t do that.)

Oh, for the love of god. I just read my cousin Bill’s annual family newsletter and I feel completely paralyzed by my comparative lack of achievement. You wouldn’t believe this family, they are amazing. I would tell you what they are all up to, but I don’t know how they would feel about that. I can tell you that Bill runs a lab of 15 scientists doing cancer research at the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and has won all sorts of prestigious awards, that’s no secret. But the I-Might-As-Well-Give-Up-Now point is: his teenage children are more fabulous and accomplished than I am and they are just getting started. Jesus. Soon they will be our overlords. Seriously, Bill and his wife Carolyn have done such a mind-blowing job raising them. They must be punished.

My 2012 newsletter, the Cliff Notes version: I have two cats. Together we watched 7,500 hours of tv. We would have done better, but we lost a week due to Hurricane Sandy.

Here is Bleeck, trying to convince me he’s perfectly comfortable like that.

Oh no. What is he looking at? There’s a tarantula behind me, isn’t there?

It’s absurd how much I look forward to and enjoy Oscar night. I marvel about this ever year. Why do I care? And it’s not that I care exactly. For the past few years I haven’t seen most of the films and performances nominated. (So opposite of the days when I saw everything, good or bad, I love movies so much.)

I think I just enjoy the excuse to kick back and wallow in light entertainment, and I love fashion. So I will be here Sunday, all day pretty much, watching all the pre-shows, following all the live blogs, total Oscar immersion.

To Do: Buy Oscar watching snacks. In the old days that meant onion dip and potato chips, which essentially became my dinner on Oscar night, but these days I find a healthier alternative. It has to be just as delicious, though. Actually more delicious, like some wonderful cheese and fruits.

My keyword stuffing attempt for the day: Baby sloths sleeping with puppies, baby sloths sleeping with puppies, baby sloths sleeping with puppies. Porn.

This is looking towards the Hudson River on my way down to, as usual, the Municipal Archives.

I just watched a video about how to increase your Google rankings, and one of the things they suggest is keyword stuffing. You pick a word you think is attractive and exciting and then say it a lot. Hence, the title of this post. I briefly considered: Porn Murder Porn Murder Porn Murder.

God I hate self-promotion. If only I was rich. I’m going to try to get a billion people to send me a dollar each. Yeah, that’ll work. [Heavy sigh.]

Speaking of attractive, I walked by this car on the way to the Municipal Archives and every guy who passed by took a picture. It was like women like me coming upon a box of kittens. I thought it was a little too cartoon-y. I miss the Mustangs and Corvettes of the 1960’s and 70’s. Lamborghini, Lamborghini, Lamborghini.

I absolutely and positively do not believe “everything happens for a reason,” but in a few hours I’m heading back downtown to the Municipal Archives (it was closed yesterday). Maybe something really great will happen today that wouldn’t have happened yesterday, and I’ll be so glad I had to go on a different day. We shall see.

It’s very rare to see a wooden building in Manhattan, but this enchanting little house is a couple of blocks from me. It used to be at 71st Street & York Avenue, (Margaret Wise Brown, author of ”Good Night Moon,” lived there for a short time in the 1940’s) and it was moved to Charles Street in 1967. They even have a yard. I wonder if this is the only yard in New York City? (I’m betting Dan knows!)