Stacy Horn

For as long as I can remember, girls going crazy over a teen idol has been explained as evidence of fear of sex, and a way to have a crush from a safe distance. Like this from a recent Wall Street Journal article:

“Boys also develop musical tastes in this phase of life, but adolescent girls are far more likely to become infatuated with pop stars, experts say, because they are awakening to romantic and sexual feelings that are both intoxicating and scary. Having a crush on a celebrity they are unlikely to meet is a way to try out such feelings at a safe distance. “A lot of girls I know practiced their first kiss on a poster. I don’t think that’s changed at all,” says Mark Rubinfeld, professor and chair of sociology at Westminster College in Salt Lake City.

“Boys are more likely to follow athletes intensely—partly out of a desire to emulate them and partly because rooting for a team conveys a sense of identity, psychologists say. Some of that carries into adulthood, as men paint themselves with team colors or skip work on game day.”

That has never rung true for me. Have any psychologists ever challenged this interpretation? As a former teenage girl I think it’s bullshit and I would explain it this way:

Yes, the girls are young and don’t know what to do, but they’re not scared. Or, maybe they are, but they are also eager to try and experiment. The teen idols are usually good looking, and talented, and living exciting lives, so they become this romantic fantasy of what we think it all could be. But it’s a fantasy born of desire, not fear. It’s sexuality and the hope for love bursting at the seams, not a toe in the distant waters of romantic-life. There wasn’t a girl in my circle (at the time) who wasn’t ready and looking forward to trying out those fantasies on someone real, and as soon as humanly possible. However nervous we might have been we were ready to begin. But boys that age are a mixed bag of availability and readiness, aren’t they? Plus, parents and society encourage girls to slow down, be careful, wait to have sex, etc. Teen idols are a stop-gap measure, not a means to provide safety.

Boys may not develop these kinds of crushes because it is not socially acceptable for them to scream and cry over whoever they might idolize. Perhaps it is still more acceptable after all this time for girls to be open about expressing their feelings (actually, girls are actively encouraged to act out in this way, come to think of it).

Anyway, I took it as an insult to teenage girls everywhere then, and it still feels condescending to me now. I wasn’t some timid, shrinking-from-boys, have-to-love-from-afar delicate flower then, and I’m guessing this doesn’t fairly describe the girls of today.

Update: I was just mulling it over. In many ways there is nothing more terrifying than a teenage girl (and a bold, risk-taking teenage girl). People are both scared of them and for them. Perhaps this interpretation is popular because it’s a safe and comforting way of looking at girls and what their actions mean? Perhaps we’re the ones who crave safety, not them.

The aftermath from the parade on Sunday, which was completely cleaned up by the time I woke up on Monday.

I stayed home and worked on my author photo. By the time I was done the parade was long over, but I went out for a walk. On Saturday I’d taken a picture of an empty-but-barricaded Christopher Street, and that was going to be my “before” shot. But they weren’t letting anyone walk down Christopher Street. So …

I turned and faced the sidewalk. I’m pretty sure I made a big mistake not drumming this year. This is always the happiest gig we ever do, but the mood this year was even more joyous.

Everywhere I looked were smiling, friendly people. It’s always like this but I swear it felt even more so this year. Oh! Maybe everybody got married this past year!

This guy totally looks like a samba dancer! I should have asked him if he danced with any of the samba bands, or mine in particular, Manhattan Samba.

I’m supposed to hand in an author photo tomorrow. This used to be a lot easier when I was, oh, I don’t know, decades younger. Also, at 56, I don’t have as much patience as I used to. I planned to spend all day on this if necessary, but after an hour I’m done. Please tell me this picture is acceptable. I’m happy with it. I think I look friendly and reasonably animated and happy.

Update: Okay, a few people weighed in and this is the newest version.

Another Update: I just replaced my old picture on the upper right with this new one. I like how it looks!

Here is the same shot, cropped in.

So I could follow this debate about biology and evolution. It begins with a negative review by Richard Dawkins about a new book by Edward Wilson. Skip the review I say—or not, Dawkins is just such a jerk, even if he has a worthwhile point I can always read the same point from someone else. Go right to the comments.

In another direction, look at this gift this father gave his daughter for her graduation. That has to be the best idea of all time for a graduation gift.

I may have told this story before, but when I graduated high school I used the Freedom of Information Act to see all the records in my files. I had a long history of getting into trouble and I expected to see a lot of, “Will end up in jail one day,” or, “I’m just praying for the day she graduates.” I wasn’t a bad kid, but I was an independent, wild kid, and I had to try everything at least once (use your imagination) and question everything, and I went through a bad patch of acting out in junior high.

But inside my records, they praised the very traits they always tried to discourage, ie, “she’s strong-willed, determined.” On the one hand, it was a nice way of saying “she’s a pain in the ass,” but still. What shocked me the most was how many said I was funny and had a good sense of humor. There was a kindness and appreciation there that they almost never showed me in person. I think I was 19 when I read all this and up until then I hadn’t gotten a lot of encouragement from my family or my teachers. Perhaps because I seemed like I didn’t need it. But of course I did, and reading their words had a profound effect on me. The big one being the realization that you can never be sure what people are thinking about you!

Now I have to decide what to do with my day. Take it easy or drum in the parade? My author photo is due tomorrow, so I guess I’ll start with that! I wish I had gotten a better night’s sleep.

I took his coming home from picking up my camera. If this was a movie instead of a still you would hear the booming, pounding music coming from this car. I wonder what that is about, the need to put on such an audio display?

The picture below is looking west on Christopher from Hudson Street. All the barricades are up in preparation for the big Gay Pride Parade tomorrow. This time tomorrow it will be an absolute mob-scene of celebration and partying. My band drums in it every year and it’s one of the most fun things we do. But every year I agonize about whether or not I want to go. It’s always so hot! I’ll bet if I search my blog using the words “Gay Pride” I’ll find a post like this for every summer. Alright, now I’m curious … well, I only found two!

2011

“I woke up to learn that New York had passed the gay marriage bill … Looks like I really must join my band Manhattan Samba and drum in the Gay Pride Parade this year (it’s tomorrow). I usually do, but it’s a marathon thing and I’m getting old! Hours and hours of drumming in the blazing heat (usually).”

2008

“My band, Manhattan Samba, always does the Gay Pride parade every year. I almost didn’t go this year because it was so oppressively hot. Thank God I did because this year there was a torrential downpour. It was so thick and hard and freezing cold at first, and you’d think that would have felt great, but it was shocking, like when you first jump into a cold pool … once I got over the cold and the stinging, and surrendered to being completely drenched, it was positively ecstatic. It is just so completely liberating. Nothing matters, only joy.”

The receptionist at my vet was raving and raving about the Path Cafe place you can see on the right. He said the food was amazing, and affordable, and that the young couple who run it are the nicest people in the world.