Damnit! I Picked the Wrong Gig to Miss

Incandenza2.jpg My band, Manhattan Samba, played with Gogol Bordello recently and I read a few blog entries describing it as the party of the year. It looks like it, too. MY BAD. Damnit.

In other news, people have probably seen this before, I think I may have even seen it before, it’s one of those restores-my-faith-in-humanity-type things, but a bunch of people just spontaneously starting writing these hysterical reviews for a set of $500 ethernet cables on Amazon. Oh God! Amazon took the page down. Where is their sense of humor?? Anyway, I cut and pasted a sample:

“I installed one of these cables between my gigabit ethernet switch and my Canon Pixma 6700 color printer. I know it’s not a sanctioned use, but I was looking for the ultimate in speed and color fidelity. I’m freaky that way.

The first time I downloaded a picture to the printer over this cable, the bits moved so fast the printer collapsed into a naked singularity, right there in my office.

Since then, I can’t find the cat, and my entire set of VAX/VMS 4.7 documentation (DEC Will Rise Again!) (Mmmmm, orangey!) has gone missing.”

“If I could use a rusty boxcutter to carve a new orifice in my body that’s compatible with this link cable, I would already be doing it. I can just imagine the pure musical goodness that would flow through this cable into the wound and fill me completely — like white, holy light. Holding this cable in my hands actually makes me feel that much closer to the Lord Jesus Christ. I only make $6.25/hr at Jack In The Box, but I saved up for three months so I could have this cable. It sits in a shrine I constructed next to my futon in Mother’s basement.”

“If Denon had captured the Divine light of creation and distiled it into 1.5 meters of ultramegaradioactive copper, it could not have been better than this cable. Just holding the packaging it comes in, I can see distant galaxies and, though you may not believe it, hear what the aliens there are thinking.”

“I would give this cable eleventy million stars if I could, and once you understand, so will you.”

SYTYCD Comments: I think I watched Katee and Joshua’s routine a half a dozen times. And I think I will watch it a few more times today. God, they’re good.

Comfort and Chris: BLEW ME AWAY. I disagree with the judges. Chris was the weak link, its true, he could have been harder, but still. I was riveted.

Chelsea and Thayne: I love them, but they got the quick step. I wish they would just take this dance out of the competition. Who likes it? NO ONE.

Gev and Courtney: started out labored, but then they got going and I love these two. I love how much he seems to want her for real.

Will and Jessica: Will is so good I have to say, that he really does make Jessica almost invisible. I think I objected when the judges made this point last week, but I have to agree. If you go back and look through this routine, every movement of his, even if it was just to support her, was just hit with such perfection and style and personality and some extra something that puts him in another league, where she just doesn’t belong.

Chelsie and Mark: Loved them, loved the routine. Love, love, love.

(The picture is courtesy of Incandenza on flickr.)

Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

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