You guys are fired!

I’m actually a little proud of myself.  Last night I was woken up by a flying cockroach/waterbug thing flying into me at 3:30 in the morning! I of course screamed and cried and considered which neighbor might forgive me for waking them up to ask them to kill the bug, decided none, and grabbed a magazine and a sneaker.

I’m proud because when he flew at me I somehow managed to stand my ground. You have to understand, I don’t know why but these things fill me with such dread and such fear I will cry, and I mean really cry, and shake, just being in the same room with one. Had I not managed to kill it I would have gotten dressed and found a bar to hang out in until it was safe to wake a neighbor.

But when he flew at me I waved the magazine at him, and waited for him to land next, and he was dead within five minutes of swat-miss-swat-miss.  And because it’s me I felt bad about killing him.

And you guys. YOU GUYS!!  It’s your freaking job to kill these things!!  As I’ve said in my bio here, they will go after cute, tiny, furry little mice with all they have, and they will not stop until that mouse is dead, whatever it takes, however long it takes. But something of true horror like a flying cockroach and they can’t even work up the energy to warn me.


Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

2 thoughts on “You guys are fired!

  1. Hehehehe, yes, they look very worried about it, just like my boys… My boys will “play” with something until it stops moving, then it’s no fun anymore!

  2. Clearly they were off duty for the holiday weekend. It’s spelled out right there in their contract.

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