My Tale of Window Woe or Could I Be Any Less Handy??

The Fix-It Plan

– I bought clear caulk to hold a broken piece of window pane in place because the landlord is never going to fix it.

– I bought corner braces to attach the bottom of the window frame to the sides because it’s falling off. A friend was doing this for me, but we ran out of corner braces so he pre-drilled the holes so I could finish the job myself

– I bought a tarp to put over the fire escape because the birds are making a mess, which is filtering down all the way to the street.

I was all happy when I began because I found bricks to hold the tarp down, and it felt good to find them and save a little $$$.

The Outcome

– I couldn’t figure out how to work the caulking thing.

– My friend only drilled one hole so I couldn’t attach the brace and I managed to make the problem worse in the process.

– I couldn’t put the tarp down because my fear of heights paralyzed me. I had to lean out farther than I thought I would.

I am currently sitting here stewing. I’m contemplating crying. You can see the mess the birds are making in the picture below. Okay, I think I’m going to go for crying.

Stupid window.


Stacy Horn

I've written six non-fiction books, the most recent is Damnation Island: Poor, Sick, Mad, and Criminal in 19th-Century New York.

View all posts by Stacy Horn →

6 thoughts on “My Tale of Window Woe or Could I Be Any Less Handy??

  1. I wish I had a good solution for you on the bird poop. Here I just take the garden hose and blast it off the patio (mostly they poop on the mulch so not really much of a problem). It isn’t harmful; bird poop (aka guano) is used in fertilizer. It just looks bad, I know.

    Sending along good thoughts from Greensboro!

  2. Awww. Thank you! I don’t really see it so much from the vantage point of sitting down. It’s more about the neighbors, one of whom already said something to me. Thank god it’s someone who likes me, and who is nice. I had just gotten back from the store so I was able to pull out the tarp to show him I’m going to address the problem and he was satisfied.

    I asked the boy (now grown young man) who lives next door if he could put out the tarp for me and he said he would (but he was leaving to meet his father for breakfast so he asked if it was okay if he did it later, and of course it is, he’s doing me the favor).

  3. What sort of caulk thing? A full-sized tube that you put in a caulking gun, or a smaller squeeze tube?

    I see you got the tarp / shower curtain figured out, though — good for you!

  4. I could have gotten a smaller squeeze tube?? I am an idiot. I bought the thing you’re supposed to put in a gun (I realized after the fact).

  5. hate to be a party pooper but…pigeons=rats with wings.

    Be careful about those bricks. There is a local law about loose objects at heights.

    You buy something called Pheno-Seal in a squeeze tube. It comes in severalcolors-but get clear. Works well as an adhesive/sealant
    and will dry almost completely clear.

    You don’t carry an electric drill in your purse ?1?! I’m kidding of course, but I saw a mention of that in an ad on nerve…



  6. Oh, I don’t go along with that old saying!

    And yeah, I thought for a while about those bricks, but I see people have all sorts of things on the fire escapes, like pots with plants, etc. so I thought I might be okay.

    Thanks about the Pheno-Seal, I will give it a try!

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